What’s Facebook Got To Do With It?

Here’s the battle I am facing at the moment: To Post, or Not To Post. That is the question. (By the way, I expect you to be outraged and on my side. It is the only side you are allowed to take.)

So my Swedish lover put a ring on it this New Years Eve. It’s stunning and I am painfully happy about the whole thing. My first instinct was to climb some super tall mountain, make it to the peak in record timing while masterfully overcoming every obstacle on the way up, do a little Rocky tribute hop-jump at the top with a little fist pump, and then scream as loud as I possibly can, “Johan proposed! I’m getting fuckin married bitches!”, add a couple “Woooo’s” and some girly “Eeeeeeiiii’s” then conclude by raising the roof.

But nope. Not allowed.

He is opposed to involving strangers in our personal life. How absurd! My thought is, the more people he let’s know, the more he loves me. Makes complete sense. Well we obviously disagree on this topic. I love exploiting good things in my life. I know I can sometimes over-share, but I like to do that too. The shocked look on peoples’ face is what I live for. I mean, I told a stranger in line at the grocery store yesterday that my nipples were irregularly sensitive at that moment and I couldn’t stop itching them. The look on that lady’s face made my whole day a little brighter.

I guess being different makes us a good balanced couple. All of our friends and family and, well, everyone that knows us, knows about it- we are having a big ol party and blah blee bloh blah blah. But that doesn’t solve my immediate desire- what every young girl dreams of – to be paraded around like a shiny new toy to complete strangers!

And where better to parade me around to complete strangers in 2013 than Facebook? After years of accumulating migraine after migraine from rolling my eyes too much at the constant engagement notifications of people I don’t care about, I say: It’s my goddamn turn to make someone’s eyes roll!

He proposed to me in front of 12 strangers, so why can’t he be engaged to me on Facebook? His reasoning is, “I am going to be with your crazy ass for the rest of my life, putting it on facebook isn’t going to make it any more real. It is real”. Then I huff and puff and dramatically throw my hands up in the air. Ugh. Why does he have to make so much sense all the time? It is very annoying.

So now I sit here facebookless engaged and wonder; do I really need people who don’t know us, to know we are engaged? The answer is Yes. The Whole World should know! So the next time the conversation get’s brought up, I’m going to tell him to not worry about facebook- I’m over it, now I’m thinking bigger- Superbowl commercial, big.

I will end with some inspiration for my man from the most romantic movie on earth:

Ron Burgundy: Veronica Corningstone and I had sex, and now we are in love! Did I say that loud?
Brian Fantana: Yeah, you pretty much yelled it.
Ron Burgundy: Well, I can’t help it. It’s fantastic!                                               Ron Burgundy: I don’t know what to say. I just… I got excited. I just wanted to shout it from on top of a mountain! But I didn’t have a mountain; I had a newsroom and a camera. Look. I report the news. That’s what I do. And today’s top story, in Ron Burgundy’s world, read something like this: I love Veronica Corningstone.

Well I think I’ve exposed plenty of crazy for one day. Oh, one more thing, If you were my woman, I would tell every goddamn man, woman, child, mammal, and insect on this earth! High Five! See you again soon..

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