What do we want? Blog! Alright- you asked for it, and when you did, you couldn’t have been sweeter. “I can’t wait for a new post. I need a weekly dose of your humor. Hey, what do you get when a racist priest and a Mexican hooker dub team a rooster? Your blog. Keep it up!” End quote.
Hey, reader, thank you for that disturbing image. Finally someone notices how close physically and mentally I am to a male chicken.
On that same note, I think today will be a learning day. A post to relay all the incredible life changing facts I’ve been enlightened by this past week.
Why go to a Safari when you can go to your cousin’s wedding? Both places have an equal amount of topless animals. But less tranquilizer darts. Shame.
Our friends 4-year-old told her teacher that her daddy is sick because he had too much vodka last night. Well, little girl, guess what’s going on your pillow tonight? Chloroform.
When a stripper shows up at your door with a baby, make sure your swimmers are swimming. Or just dead bolt your door. Or don’t sleep with strippers.
Smoking cigarettes is bad but smoking joints with tobacco in it is acceptable. In unrelated news, ‘hypocrite’ is the new ‘hippie’.
I went to court fighting a speeding ticket for my sister today (don’t worry, I didn’t red zone into my Colombian alter ego Maria Luisa Estefan and get arrested, but I did hide a pocket knife in my bra. You never know.) While there, I witnessed the Genius of the Week. Are you ready?
A guy was fined for using his mobile phone while driving. His excuse? Banana. Yap. He said the cop didn’t see correctly, it was not a cell at all, but in fact it was a banana. A banana beside his face. As that’s how he eats them. Hand gestures were included. I think you know where my head is at on this one. Some things you just can’t make up.
I hope you guys have taken away some important life lessons today. After all, knowledge is power.
Don’t forget to buy my book- Axing My Exes! http://www.amazon.com/Axing-My-Exes-Jerrica-Zeron/dp/1489586849/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376071110&sr=8-1&keywords=axing+my+exes
And come to Artspiration Downtown Toronto on August 26th, or donate online to help support an incredible cause!http://www.artspirationfundraiser.com/index.php
And watch my brother-in-law’s brother on The Amazing Race Canada and donate to the Amazing Cause www.amazingcause.com the blogs are hilarious!
Holy shit has it really been two weeks since I last talked to you guys? I’m sorry I’ve been super busy getting wasted on a boat and tanning my once translucent skin. Priorities people. High Five- Line it up! I’m outta here…