When Is a Nip Slip Ever Enough?

What do we want? Blog! Alright- you asked for it, and when  you did, you couldn’t have been sweeter. “I can’t wait for a new post. I need a weekly dose of your humor. Hey, what do you get when a racist priest and a Mexican hooker dub team a rooster? Your blog. Keep it up!” End quote.

Hey, reader, thank you for that disturbing image. Finally someone notices how close physically and mentally I am to a male chicken.

On that same note, I think today will be a learning day. A post to relay  all the incredible life changing facts I’ve been enlightened by this past week.

Let’s start.

Why go to a Safari when you can go to your cousin’s wedding? Both places have an equal amount of topless animals. But less tranquilizer darts. Shame.

Our friends 4-year-old told her teacher that her daddy is sick because he had too much vodka last night. Well, little girl, guess what’s going on your pillow tonight? Chloroform.

When a stripper shows up at your door with a baby, make sure your swimmers are swimming. Or just dead bolt your door. Or don’t sleep with strippers.

Smoking cigarettes is bad but smoking joints with tobacco in it is acceptable. In unrelated news, ‘hypocrite’ is the new ‘hippie’.

I went to court fighting a speeding ticket for my sister today (don’t worry, I didn’t red zone into my Colombian alter ego Maria Luisa Estefan and get arrested, but I did hide a pocket knife in my bra. You never know.) While there, I witnessed the Genius of the Week. Are you ready?

A guy was fined for using his mobile phone while driving. His excuse? Banana. Yap. He said the cop didn’t see correctly, it was not a cell at all, but in fact it was a banana. A banana beside his face. As that’s how he eats them. Hand gestures were included. I think you know where my head is at on this one. Some things you just can’t make up.

I hope you guys have taken away some important life lessons today. After all, knowledge is power.

Don’t forget to buy my book- Axing My Exes!  http://www.amazon.com/Axing-My-Exes-Jerrica-Zeron/dp/1489586849/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1376071110&sr=8-1&keywords=axing+my+exes

And come to Artspiration Downtown Toronto on August 26th, or donate online to help support an incredible cause!http://www.artspirationfundraiser.com/index.php

And watch my brother-in-law’s brother on The Amazing Race Canada and donate to the Amazing Cause www.amazingcause.com the blogs are hilarious!

Holy shit has it really been two weeks since I last talked to you guys? I’m sorry I’ve been super busy getting wasted on a boat and tanning my once translucent skin. Priorities people. High Five- Line it up! I’m outta here…

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One comment

  1. I LOVE that you used the photo!! I also love that hypocrite bit. Absolutely brilliant.

    The title of this blog reminds me about a nipple issue of my own.

    I wanna discuss over sharing on facebook with you. I think it’s a great subject for one of your blogs and some people really go over board. For example, the girl who post photos of her birth. Placenta (is that what its called?) an all!! Your baby is seconds old and already on facebook. See attached but please don’t share.

    Also, breastfeeding pics?? Put your god damn nipple away. Some people do professional photos with their baby and it’s all a bit too much sometimes. See attached (and another little surprise ;))

    Maybe this is a motherhood thing? Once bitches have a baby all shame is thrown out the window?

    Rolling my eyes and maybe hating a little bit in jealousy that I don’t have a baby of my own : S

    From: Jerrica’s Jerks Reply-To: Jerrica’s Jerks Date: Fri, 9 Aug 2013 18:36:26 +0000 To: Sara Sepehri Subject: [New post] When Is a Nip Slip Ever Enough?

    WordPress.com JerricaZeron posted: “What do we want? Blog! Alright- you asked for it, and when you did, you couldn’t have been sweeter. “I can’t wait for a new post. I need a weekly dose of your humor. Hey, what do you get when a racist priest and a Mexican hooker dub team a rooster? Your “

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